Alienum phaedrum torquatos nec eu, vis detraxitssa periculiser ex, nihil expetendis in mei eis an pericula es aperiri.

FADE IN:

 

INT. ABOUT US PAGE – NIGHT

 

While organizing a bunch of old, hoarded papers dating back more than 20 years, Table Reads creator SHAWN MCBEE created a file drawer for all the old, terrible scripts he and his partner, TREVOR THOMPSON, had written over the years. Closing the drawer with some difficulty, an idea occurred to him: You could do a whole podcast, just doing table reads of terrible scripts and mocking them.

 

Trevor agreed and they began reading terrible scripts together. And recording it. And putting it on the internet. TABLE READS was born.

 

After a while, they felt like they needed to change things up a bit and bring in some new voices. First their longtime friend and filmmaking cohort, JIMIE WILLIAMS, and then KELLY LEVIAY.

 

After a while, Trevor decided to focus his energies on his video content so, though he makes occasional appearances on Table Reads, Shawn needed a new regular co-host, so he brought on Kelly full-time and added local voice actor and improv performer JOSHUA BAKER, because no one should suffer alone.

 

Care to know more about the gang? Then we’ll…

CUT TO:

 

INT. SOME DUMB BIOS – NIGHT

 

A bunch of assholes sit around a nerdy studio and read a bunch of shitty scripts. They talk, for some reason.

SHAWN

I am the guy who created this dumb podcast and made this dumb site. I am honestly very sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.

Shawn works in the film industry, but not in any of the glamorous or exciting parts. He doesn’t hang out with movie stars. He doesn’t get to see big action scenes get filmed. When you see a building explode in a movie? That’s where you’ll see his work. Oh, no, not the explosion… maybe the sign on the store front. That’s his big important contribution to the magical field of cinema: on-set graphics. When they film that explosion, he’s miles away in a windowless office wondering when the fuck lunch is coming.

 

Having wanted to make movies since he was 3, Shawn enjoys mocking bad attempts at doing so, whether it’s his bad attempt or the bad attempt of someone famous who actually manages to make good movies most of the time. He sometimes does some cosplay, which is how he met Kelly…

KELLY

I’m Kelly. You could probably tell that by the caption. I spend a chunk of my rare free time after a long day of work reading terrible scripts with a couple of goons in exchange for pizza. Pizza, it should be mentioned, that they provided ONCE. I’m sure there are better things I could be doing, but that might involve more effort so… eh.

Kelly is from, like, Minnesota or something. She has some family members who are related to her. She’s a fantastic cosplayer who has traveled at least as far as London to impress people with her Sansa Stark, Baby Doll and Poison Ivy cosplays. And when she’s not posing with eager con nerds, she’s getting paid to model professionally. And when she’s not doing THAT, she works a day job as a social media specialist for a gigantic national company. You’ve heard of them. They’re a household name.

 

And somehow, amidst all that, she still has time to do a podcast based on subjecting herself to often terrible writing. This girl is a national fucking treasure.

JOSHUA

Oh, hey. I’m Joshua. This isn’t the first podcast I’ve been on, but I’ve been told it’s my favorite. So… I’m living the dream, I guess?

Joshua has been all over the place and done all the stuff. He’s run his own businesses, lived in Hawaii, and been roped into reading bad scripts by a stranger on Reddit. Pretty much the American Dream.

 

Lately, Joshua has been trying his hand at voice acting and has found a fair amount of success fairly quickly. As such, he’s the perfect guy to bring some much-needed professionalism to this ordeal. Also: he has a beard! Instant gravitas!

 

And that’s everyone. You’re done reading this page.

 

FADE TO BLACK.