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FADE IN:

INT. TABLE READS PODCAST – NIGHT

Sitting in a sparse room with microphones before them, SHAWN McBEE, KELLY LEVIAY and JOSHUA BAKER read screenplays that never made it to the big screen. These screenplays are not read in advance, so the team has no idea what they’re going to be getting. But let’s face it: If someone got paid to write a screenplay and then no one bothered to make it into a movie, there’s probably a reason…

While there is an occasional gem, yes, most of these scripts turn out to be BAD. Good or bad, these brave scriptonauts read AND COMMENT on the scripts, so that the world may know of the terror from which they have–until now–been spared.

So dig in and enjoy(?) some of Hollywood’s lost treasures(?)!

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INT. LATEST EPISODE – CONTINUOUS



The Hobbits set off for Rivendell, for reasons that are never, ever made clear, and are pursued relentlessly by water-soluble bad guys! They meet an ally along the way, who literally pops up out of nowhere and who they follow for literally no reason at all! The characters manage to have no personalities while simultaneously being somehow unlikable, but at least someone gets stabbed! Who? You’ll just have to listen to find out!

But our Patreon supporters already know, because they got to tune in when we recorded the episode, all the way back in October! If you want to join us for a livestream, just head over to www.patreon.com/TableReads and become a patron! You’ll also get early access to our episodes, AD-FREE, plus so much more!

Our episodes are also available as in-studio videos on YouTube! Just go to YouTube.tablereadspodcast.com and subscribe!

As always, you can reach out to us on Twitter @TheTableReads or find us on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/Tablereads 

If you’d like more information on this script, our friends over at Screenplay Archaeology did a whole episode on it, which you can find here: https://screenplayarchaeology.podbean.com/e/episode-54-lord-of-the-rings/

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The start of any movie is where characters, themes and conflicts are established. There is a call to action, the establishment of the central conceit of the movie. It appears John Boorman skipped that part of screenwriting school. What we get here in part one is a confusing party, inconsistent characters, and a completely unmotivated quest, that the characters literally believe to be a vacation.

The beginning of this script is like a seven-year-old child recounting what they remember of the beginning of Peter Jackson’s Fellowship of the Ring, 3 months after they watched it. Join us as we discover John Boorman’s vision of Middle-Earth with all the pomp and circumstance of Bilbo’s eleventy-first birthday, and none of the boring establishment of what the One Ring is!

We also have a Patreon now! Go to http://www.patreon.com/TableReads and sign up for early, ad-free access to all our episodes, livestreams of our recording sessions and more!

Our episodes are also available as in-studio videos on YouTube! Just go to YouTube.tablereadspodcast.com and subscribe!

As always, you can reach out to us on Twitter @TheTableReads or find us on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/Tablereads 

If you’d like more information on this script, our friends over at Screenplay Archaeology did a whole episode on it, which you can find here: https://screenplayarchaeology.podbean.com/e/episode-54-lord-of-the-rings/

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This episode is ACTION-PACKED… by which we mean that there are pages and pages of no dialogue… but the sheer level of bonkers in that action makes up for it!

No exaggeration here: the insanity of this last part of Indy 3 is far in excess of all the insanity that has come before! There is so much insanity that we couldn’t contain it to a normal-length episode!

That’s right, as a special treat to you, our beloved listeners, this is a special episode that is almost TWO HOURS LONG! There was just so much indy we had to deliver into the world, we had to push through til the end. It might also have something to do with the fact that we’d rather start a new script for our 100th episode next week rather than be finishing one.

Join us for this unparalleled finale episode. It’s so crazy, it moves right past terrible and swings around to amazing. It closes the loop. Unbelievable, really. Just, wow.

Let us know what you think by dropping us a line on Twitter @theTableReads. You can also follow us on Instagram @theTableReads or Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/tablereads

You can also find us wherever fine podcasts are downloaded! Find us on your favorite platform by visiting http://www.tablereadspodcast.com/listen

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I know we’ve given you Nazi speedboats, machine gun arms, haunted castles and even a giant tank, but part 7 is where things really start to get silly! We’re talking distracted giant tank driving, African Mountain Sharks, golden cities and gorilla-people!

Play a drinking game with this episode: When you get to a point where you assume Stephen Spielberg threw down the script in disgust, take a shot!*

*Table Reads claims no responsibility for liver failure as a result of this drinking game.

This episode also marks the first time we recorded the podcast as a video! Check out youtube.tablereadspodcast.com to see the video! Feel free to subscribe over there to never miss an episode. We make funny faces, it’s worth it.

Let us know what you think by dropping us a line on Twitter @theTableReads. You can also follow us on Instagram @theTableReads or Facebook at www.facebook.com/tablereads.

You can also find us wherever fine podcasts are downloaded! Find us on your favorite platform by visiting http://www.tablereadspodcast.com/listen

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This whole episode is basically just the fight against the giant tank. BUT OH, WHAT A FIGHT! It has a Rhino! And a Ravine! And a bi-Plane! And a friendship tree!

The giant tank sequence is basically the Death Star Trench run, but if the Ewoks were fighting on the sides, and TIE fighters worked by crashing into people, and there was a random Tauntaun.

The point is: this is the most ambitious and also bonkers sequence ever dreamed up for Indiana Jones, and that’s including the infamous fridge.

Agree? Disagree? Let us know what you think by dropping us a line on Twitter @theTableReads. You can also follow us on Instagram @theTableReads or Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/tablereads

You can also find us wherever fine podcasts are downloaded! Find us on your favorite platform by visiting http://www.tablereadspodcast.com/listen

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As we re-join Indy, he is in the midst of a huge pirate battle in the Zambesi river. But that’s far from the most exciting thing to happen to Indy in this episode! Because we go from Pirates to the jungle, where the Nazis have unleashed a new weapon seemingly just to use against Indy!

And I really want to elaborate but I also really, really don’t want to spoil the surprise! So give this a listen. It is absolutely unbelievable. You’ll kick yourself if you miss this one.

Let us know what you think by dropping us a line on Twitter @theTableReads. You can also follow us on Instagram @theTableReads or Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/tablereads

You can also find us wherever fine podcasts are downloaded! Find us on your favorite platform by visiting http://www.tablereadspodcast.com/listen

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Hey there. Are you looking for some exposition? WE’VE GOT IT! Are you looking for a bunch of Betsy hijinks? WE’VE GOT THAT TOO! How about some Pirates? Oh, we’ve fucking GOT THAT.

Join us for Part 4 of Chris Columbus’ most notorious script, as Indy continues his journey to find… some very nice fresh fruit?

Let us know what you think by dropping us a line on Twitter @theTableReads. You can also follow us on Instagram @theTableReads or Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/tablereads

You can also find us wherever fine podcasts are downloaded! Find us on your favorite platform by visiting http://www.tablereadspodcast.com/listen

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As we continue reading Chris Columbus’ Indy script, we wrap up the Scooby Doo portion (which appears to have no bearing on anything to come), we get some bizarre Professor Jones hijinks before our quest is finally established, and yes, there is a fair amount of attempted suicide, as all Indiana Jones movies must have…?

If you watched Temple of Doom one time, on an airplane, drunk, with a crying baby next to you and headphones that kept cutting out and that was all you ever knew about Indiana Jones and then 10 years later, you tried to write a script based on what you remembered, you might write this exact script! 

Let us know what you think by dropping us a line on Twitter @theTableReads. You can also follow us on Instagram @theTableReads or Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/tablereads

You can also find us wherever fine podcasts are downloaded! Find us on your favorite platform by visiting http://www.tablereadspodcast.com/listen

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Shawn, Josh and Jeff are reading a pre-Last Crusade Indy 3 script, and right out of the gate, Chris Columbus gives us the most-unlike-Indy Indiana Jones script you can possibly imagine. In fact, if you were to tell me that he had written a Scooby-Doo movie and just changed all the names, I WOULD BELIEVE IT. In the first 16 pages of this script, there are no less than a dozen Scooby-Doo Tropes… and nothing at all that you would affiliate with Indiana Jones. So far, this has been one of the most bonkers, mind-twisting scripts we’ve done so far.

Give it a listen and let us know if you agree!

If you'd like more, visit us at www.tablereadspodcast.com.

You can also find us on Twitter or Instagram under the name @TheTableReads or on Facebook at www.facebook.com/tablereads

If YouTube is your favorite place for podcasts, head to YouTube.tablereadspodcast.com or find us on whatever your preferred podcast platform is.

Lastly, if you would like ad-free episodes, access to a livestream of our recording sessions, early episodes and more, sign up on our Patreon page: https://www.patreon.com/TableReads

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